This season from Sky Mall

ByGrace Alexander

I love flipping through the pages of Sky Mall because it is a good time killer and I don’t shop much otherwise. Sky Mall is published seasonally and the Holiday editions came out last month. Here are some of my favorite “What were they thinking” items:

  • The Telekinetic Obstacle Course. First off, this thing requires C sized batteries. I try to stick to things requiring AA and AAA. No C or D for me. I buy AA and AAA in bulk and always have some around. If this thing died on me I’d never replace the C batteries. I also don’t get why it can’t run off an outlet instead of batteries. They say it’s telekinetic, but your brain isn’t really moving the object, rather your brain activity controls the speed of fans. I felt duped after reading that. $99.95
  • Instant Feng Shui benefits at home or away. Really? Something that looks like one of the Tiger Electronics toys I had back in the 80s will tell me how to arrange my furniture based on energies? I would constantly make fun of this rip-off to friends at the $399.99 price point. Apparently they heard and dropped it to $199.99. You can buy a shielded carrying case for another $39.99. I think I’ll just head to my local library and check out an Feng Shui book for free. Then if my energies don’t improve at least I didn’t waste over a day of income on this.
  • Bilz Pinball Game. This allows you to give someone money in a pinball game and they have to play the game just right for it to dispense the money. Let’s just put it like this: you give me a present like this and you are no longer my friend. $12.99
  • You can now buy a Taser in Sky Mall. Nevermind the fact that they are heavily regulated and require it to be activated after arrival. Really, I’m sure no one will crack that. $349.99
  • Day Clock. I travel a lot and sometimes do get into a day warp, but a clock is mounted to a wall and not travel-friendly so it is of no help to me. If you are in a situation where you can mount this thing and actually see it and don’t know what day it is without it, you need to move out of your mother’s basement and get a job! $38.98 (!?!?!)
  • SodaStream. There is so much soda already out there I have never thought I could do it better. $129.99
  • Yukata Cover-up. It’s in the Delta version on page 180 but I can’t find it on the Sky Mall site. Pretty much if you thought $20.00 cover-ups from WalMart didn’t cost enough for you, you can spend $139.00 + $3 additional shipping for one from Sky Mall!
  • Zona Plus . Take a squeeze grip thing from the gym, add some military endorsements, Viola! you can charge $379.
  • Last but not least: The Personal Travel Bidet. Wow. It’s only $44.95 which doesn’t seem like a bad price, but I think I’ll stick with TP, thank you!